hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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