I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
