God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize