waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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