I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
