she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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