True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
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