Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
