I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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