a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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