I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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