Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
