I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
