With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
