My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
