Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
