i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
