did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
40s are totally the cure
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
