how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize