Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
