just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I skipped work to stalk him.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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