That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
