You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The air was thick with penises
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
