I wish my penis had an off switch
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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