how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
