1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
