Tell her she can't have a vagina
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
