Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't make out with my wife yet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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