Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
