You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
