There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.