I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.