i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?