I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.