I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Two words: blizzard sex