The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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