how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
