he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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