gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
