States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
