My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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