ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
