i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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