have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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