Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
