You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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