If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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