We need to rekindle our bromance
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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