Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
