sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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