Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
