Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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