cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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