You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
