I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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