im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
