Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
