she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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