you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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