Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He better not be in your backpack
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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