I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
