You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
