Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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