Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
