dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
